going home

So it's been an amazing and fun week in L.A. but this girl is ready to go home! I'm leaving Monday afternoon and will be back in my very own bed on Monday night! Yaaaay!

I arrived in L.A. almost a week ago, and it's been a really full, interesting and enlightening time, I must say. I've been staying with Mom's good friend Carla in Northridge, which has been great. She's become a bit of a surrogate mom to me - even before Mom died - and has been just amazing this week. I stayed with her for a week last summer as well. This week I had the chance to hang out with her daughters, Mandy and Carmen, which was fun. They're both great girls. I'd met them as a teenager but hadn't seen them since then, so it was great to be reintroduced.

Probably the biggest highlight of my week though was my meeting Thursday with a film composer whom I composer-stalked about a year ago and with whom I've been corresponding ever since. He's given me a lot of really useful information in that time and has just been a real inspiration to me. It was great to finally meet face-to-face and talk shop for a few hours. I also played the DVD of my spring orchestration for him which was incredibly nervewracking, but he seemed to be impressed by my work and said he was amazed that this was my first orchestral composition. Pretty cool.

I drove around the Hollywood Hills one day this week, checking out some of Mom's old apartments and taking pictures. That was great. Saturday Carla and I drove up to Ventura to see Mom's dear old friend Pamela (from the Pasadena Playhouse days) and to see my beloved Pacific Ocean. Also a great day. All in all it was a great week of reconnecting with people from my past - that was sort of a theme - and I dug all of that. I'm definitely learning how important it is to keep connections of every stripe alive and well. Mom was so good at that and I want to be too.

I did a lot of growing and sorting out this week. I didn't anticipate that - couldn't have - but I'm so so grateful for it. Each little leg of this trip in fact has shown me something new about my life, my friends, my family or my future. It's all pretty amazing and I'm so so grateful that I was able to take this time for myself.

The things that were driving me away from New York in June are calling me back now and that's a beautiful thing. Yay home.

warm all week

So I'm in L.A., after spending about 4-5 days in Idyllwild. My Dad drove me to the Ontario airport this afternoon where I picked up my rental car, then drove about an hour or so to my friend Carla's house in Northridge. Carla was a longtime and very close friend of Mom's, and she's subsequently become a friend of mine. I stayed with her last summer for a week, so it feels strange to be back in this bedroom, taking serious note of all that has changed. I had so many phone calls with Mom from this house last year, and had birthday dinner with Mom's good friend Jerry. They're both gone now. Crazy.

Things are changing for Carla. She's renting her house and moving to Arkansas in a few months to take care of her Mom; landing here on her shifting life seems somehow appropriate. I feel like I have so many questions about my own life - where I should be, what I should be doing, what's really important, etc. - so it seems perfectly normal to stay at the house of someone who's trying to pack up her 20+ year history and jump out into the unknown.

So this week I'm planning on doing lots of yoga! There are a few great studios in L.A. that I want to check out. I'll also hopefully meet up with two composers I've been corresponding with, and hopefully get more insight on writing music for a living. Seeing a few old friends and some new ones, and definitely some ocean too. Should be a great week.

The weather I special-ordered has been delivered in a timely manner, so that's handy! One more week to my crazy little adventure, and then I'll begin the crazy little adventure of life back in New York!

mountain air

So I'm in Idyllwild right now. I flew from San Francisco to LAX on Wednesday, and my stepmom (still sounds funny) Melissa picked me up. We had a great day in LA - had lunch with her daughter Jen, then did some shopping and drove back to Idyllwild, which is about two and a half hours from LA. It was great to have some one on one time with Melissa. She has such a sweet spirit and I really dig her. I even told Mom at one point, "I think she's the best thing that ever happened to Dad." Gotta love Mom's response: "Oh that's so great to hear!"

It's great to be in the mountains, to really see the stars and the bright moon, breathe some clean, dry air. I love the warm during the day, cool at night thing too. It's a full moon right now - the last time it was full I was in Bali, so that's pretty trippy. I'm looking forward to my LA time next week. I have some plans lined up, but mostly I'm just freeflowing. It's crazy how my head is right now. I don't really have a schedule or deadlines or anything, so I don't freak out about being late for anything or having to wait for anything. I'm hoping I can take a litlte piece of that home with me. It's amazing how the impact of this trip is some kind of a delayed thing. I really felt the benefits of being in Asia about two weeks after I returned, and all of this time with family I'm sure will hit me in the same sort of way.

So for now I'm here. Trying to just enjoy the sounds and the smells of all the yummy nature around me. Going for a hike today and tomorrow and just hanging with Dad and Melissa. It's so nice not to have a schedule because I know soon I'll need to get one. Monday I go to LA.

portland family

Jennifer and I went to Portland this weekend for Mom's cousin Sharon's funeral. She was Mom's favorite cousin, our surrogate auntie and also our family historian. We reconnected with and met tons of extended family - second and third cousins, with lots of removals and twice-removals. It's crazy to walk into a place, look around at everyone and think, "Hmmm. Yeah. We're related."

The funeral was hard but good. They played "Softly and Tenderly" which was a hymn we had at Mom's memorial. Go figure. Then we headed to Sharon's sister Rena's house and just hung out with family. Jenn and I stayed in Sharon's house which was really neat. She had tons of old pictures on the walls, including this one of our Great-Grandma & Great Grandpa, Emma and Garrett. We went to a bar that night with a bunch of our cousins - as Jenn said, "Drinking with the kinfolk!" It was a good time. Portland is such a beautiful town too. I really felt Mom's energy there. She grew up just a few hours away. We're excited to reconnect with everyone. Sharon was sort of our link to that whole side of the family (Mom's Dad's side), so we're happy to have reestablished that connection so we can stay in contact. More pictures of our trip are here.

I'm in San Francisco for just a few more days. Jenn and I are going to have a girls' day tomorrow - shopping and lunch. Then I'll fly to LAX on Wednesday where my stepmom Melissa will pick me up and we'll drive to Idyllwild. I'll hang with Dad & Melissa for a few days in Idyllwild, then head to LA for a week before going back to New York.

Meanwhile Oona is totally walking! She takes five or six steps at a time and it's so cool to see!

brrrr august

I guess I'd forgotten what summer is like in San Francisco - it's been awhile. I'm digging to the bottom of my suitcase every day, searching for long-sleeved shirts and closed-toed shoes.

I'm really happy to be back in the States though, and especially happy to be back with my sister and her family. I seriously have the best nieces and nephews that ever walked the earth and I'm really digging having so much time with two of them. It's a life very different from my own, but I'm digging it all the same.

The Thailand Urp, as Leda and I have formally named it (she has its cousin or something), still remains, and today I went to the doctor. I've dropped a few pounds since I got back from Asia. At first that was kinda cool, but now I'm over the weight loss and ready to eat real food again, especially since I'm (hello) staying with my chef sister! I'm on antibiotics again - prescribed this time - so hopefully that'll do the trick.

Jenn's catering a wedding on Friday night, so I'm gonna work it with her as a server, then Saturday morning we will head to Portland, OR. Our Mom's favorite cousin, and our surrogate auntie, Sharon, passed away last Monday. She went in for heart surgery and just never came out. Sharon was our strongest link to all of Mom's Dad's extended family, so we're glad to go and see the people. Most of them didn't make it to Mom's memorial, so all around it'll be good to connect.

Next Wednesday I'm heading to Southern California. I'll hang with my Dad in Idyllwild for a bit, then go to LA and meet up with some friends, meet a film composer I've been emailing but have never met, and hopefully see the ocean, check some things out. I'll be back in New York the night of August 25th and I think I'll really be ready. I'm missing my peeps and my apartment and my piano.

thailand yowzah

So our trip to Thailand was a little rough.

We did one of those package deals (airfare, hotel included) which Leda coordinated with a travel agent in Singapore. But when we got to Koh Samui, driven in little open-air shuttle buses directly from our plane to the terminal - so all started out very vacationey and nice, we discovered that the hotel she thought she'd booked was not actually the one we'd stay in. The Nora Chaweng Hotel and the Nora Beach Spa & Resort: two different spots!

We made it work, but our first room had the smell of wet towels, so Leda worked it the next morning and we got a free upgrade to a suite. Even so, walking out of the hotel we were in the midst of Chaweng Beach, which is basically the Times Square of Koh Samui, with the added bonus of prostitutes. So Times Square in 1986?

We wandered a bit our first night though and found a little outdoor bar/restaurant where I ordered papaya mango salad. Bad choice as it turned out because Saturday morning I woke up feeling a little wonky, and it all went downhill quickly from there. Body aches, urpy tummy, the whole nine. Luckily in Thailand there are pharmacies on every corner where you can purchase over the counter antibiotics, birth control pills (seriously straight out of the box) and any number of other so-not-over-the-counter-anyplace-else meds. I bought some amoxycillin, which I'm still taking. Haven't really had a full meal since Saturday so I guess I have now entered the weight loss portion of my trip - heh.

The good stuff: we had some great phad thai Saturday and also a good Thai dessert: sticky rice with mango. I swear the desserts in Asia - whoah. Yum. Also, although we couldn't stay there we were able to get to the Nora Beach Resort during the days to use their pool, hang on their beach and use their SPA! We had our second round of 2-hour massages/scrubs/baths which were great. Also the water was amazing, really beautiful. We were on the east coast of the island and the island itself is off the east coast of Thailand. The water was the Gulf of Siam, and very serene, warm and beautiful. The horizon looked endless. It was great to swim out there and just float on your back, with just the sound of the wind and the water in your ears.

Because I was under the weather a boat tour of the island wasn't really in the cards - bummer. The Thailand weekend turned out to be kind of a strange ending to a really fabulous trip, but that's okay. Everything else had been so stellar, I suppose we were due for some wonkiness. I feel like someday I should have a Thailand do-over.

I flew out of Singapore Tuesday morning and now am back in San Francisco where it's somehow still Tuesday. But yay - so so glad I'm here! I'll head to LA for a bit in a week or two and will be back in New York by the end of August.

bali follow up

So that whole birthday thing threw me way off these past few days, but I don't want that to stop me from sharing details about the end of our Bali trip.

Our last day there was pretty crazily eventful. We took an 8:30am yoga class (again over the rice paddies - eee!) and then checked out the Sacred Monkey Forest Sanctuary, which was just down the road and basically a rainforesty space where monkeys are just walking around wild, kind of like those at the reservoir in Singapore. This was now my 3rd encounter with freewheeling monkeys - they were also at Ulu Watu, the temple where we saw the kecak dance. There's a big sign when you enter the place that urges you to NOT feed the monkeys, but of course just after that there were people offering bananas for sale. We didn't buy them. Leda was pretty stoked with the little guys and walked right up to them, but they kinda freaked me out a little bit. I think it's that they're so similar to humans but yet not - it's a bit unnerving. So we walked around, watched some cute little families interact, and then made our way to a temple that's inside the sanctuary. Just outside the temple was a squirrely little guy who we saw grab a banana out of a kid's hand. Then I saw him look at me (they say you shouldn't make eye contact but I so did). Before I knew it he ran over to me and started to reach for the water bottle in my hand. I dropped it before he could actually reach the thing and he toted it off to a corner where he began to try to eat it. He managed to somehow open it, and water poured out. If he had grabbed it, opened it and drank out of it I think I would have run screaming.

After we left the Monkey Sanctuary we walked back to our hotel, showered, packed and checked out. We headed back to Buddha Bali, that great little organic cafe/store in Ubud. Leda wanted to stock up on some things that aren't at all available to her in Singapore. My Dad called me on Leda's phone, which was neat. It was really nice to hear his and Melissa's voices, have a little connection to home. After Buddha Bali we hit the market and HARD. There's a sign in Ubud on one of the buildings that says "shop til drop" and that was pretty much us. It's sensory overload in there, with different vendors every which way, all clamouring for you to check out their wares. The bargaining is so completely exhausting, because you must bargain for every single purchase. I wonder how many tourists go in there and just pay the price they're given. It was fun, but I was wiped out by the end of the day. We grabbed dinner at a little place near our hotel, and I'm ashamed to say that I actually had spaghetti and meatballs for my last meal in Bali. If I saw one more piece of meat on a stick I was going to seriously lose it.

We learned from our tour guide that there are two ways to say no in Indonesian: one that leaves room for negotiation and the other that's very firm. "Bukan" is the negotiable and "tidak" is the firm one. I didn't say tidak (was worried it might be rude or something) until the taxi ride to Ubud when we were approached in the car, for about the third or fourth time, by guys selling newspapers and trying to guess our nationality, shouting, "you french?" "australian?", etc. This one guy lingered when I was trying to talk to Leda about something (literally newspaper plastered against the car window), so finally I turned my head and shouted "tidak!!!!" and he BOLTED! Ha! Nice to know that actually works!

In Ubud every time we walked down the street there was a barrage of "taxi miss?" "taxi?" "transport?" offers, shouted at us by mostly shady characters just sitting by their cars (I started saying tidak to them too). We had about three shady taxi experiences in Ubud, so we grew wary and weary! On the last day though, we were trying to figure out how we'd get to the airport without getting swindled, and were approached by a guy who didn't seem to give off a shady vibe at all, but actually seemed really nice. Leda talked to him for a bit (she's the master negotiator, don't forget) and he agreed to take us to the airport that night. He actually seemed really excited. The ride to the airport was actually entertaining because this guy, as it turns out, is totally into the kecak dance in a huge way and when we told him we'd seen it, he launched into the "chuck-chuck-chuck"'s and pretty soon we were all chanting/singing. Total white girl moment but it was awesome. Nice way to end the trip.

My birthday sadness yesterday was mitigated a bit by a trip to Leda's reflexology place in Singapore - just near her apartment - where I not only had an amazing foot massage but also a 30-minute back massage. Come on, it had been a week since my last one. I was due! Last night Leda and her friend Lisa took me out for a yummy meal of moules frites (moules frites in Singapore!) at this place on the river, and the waitresses even brought 3 cupcakes out with candles and they all sang - awww. It was really lovely and a nice way to end things in birthdayland. I'm sort of relieved it's all over now. Onward!

Tomorrow evening we fly to Ko Samui. It's only an hour and a half flight, so that should hopefully be easy. I've been reading the tour book and I'm a little worried about trying to even say please, thank you and good morning in Thai because of all the crazy inflections, but we'll see. We were laughed at aplenty in Bali for our Indonesian so that won't be anything new - although I'm proud to say that more than a few times we were told that our accent was very good, so maybe we improved. Or maybe those people were just being nice.

I think I'll definitely be ready to come home next week but it's been an amazing trip

rough birthday

Back in Singapore for a few days, then heading to Koh Samui, Thailand on Friday for a long weekend before I head back to San Francisco on Tuesday. I've posted Bali pictures here.

But I need to have a wee janetvscancer moment.

Forget marking the passage of time, getting older. Forget reflecting on where I'm going and/or where I've been. I don't care about any of that - I really don't. This birthday has been like ice water dumped on my head. My Mom is actually dead. She died. She's gone. I think there's a huge part of me that really had no concept of this fact, but having a birthday really brought it home (Clancy I love you). I'm startling to realize that I won't ever get her happybirthdaysong phone call, won't get a card with her lovely swirly writing, won't be made to feel like the world should seriously stop spinning for 24 hours and pause to wish me a happy birthday - cuz she always managed to make her kids feel that way (not that any of us asked for it).

So I've cried uncontrollably in thoroughly inappropriate places (ATM stalls, airports, airplanes) these past two days. Maybe I'm working through something but I don't know. It feels more like I have a huge gaping wound that just keeps bleeding and bleeding and bleeding. I'm happy to be far away but at the same time it's really hard. I feel a visceral need to be near my siblings, huddled in some corner together.

I wrote this in my lyrics book in January or February, shortly after she was diagnosed. Maybe someday soon it'll be in a song (I have a few brewing):

In an instant my life changed forever
I can't recall how it was before
The tears splash hard
She always told me they used to stain my clothes
The moments in between things are huge and weighty
Nothing matters now except her
It's funny how you turn a corner and suddenly everything's different
The wrapped up in my problems thing just seems so silly
It's so bare and raw and simple, what really matters
The rest is so ridiculous

I love you Mama

rice field yoga

I just have to say: lovin the comments!!! You guys all rock.

So Saturday Leda and I hired a tour guide who was totally amazing. I so freakin wish I could post pictures, but alas, internet cafe city once again. Soon though! So we saw two temples that day, Tanah Lot and Ulu Watu. Both were pretty amazing. Ulu Watu is something like 600 years old. While there we got to see a Kecak Dance and it was mindblowing. First a holy man comes out and sets down an offering, lights some incense (Bali is mostly Hindu), chants a bit. Then a group of maybe 30 bare-chested Balinese men that all come out and dance around, chanting what sounds like "chuck chuck chuck" in these cool patterns (it's like Ligeti on speed for the music nerds out there). The guys range in age from like 15-60. Some guys sing, some guys just chant the whole time. It has a very improvised feel, but it's all very practiced and organized. Our driver's done it before and was filling us in on the details. So after the initial chanting, different characters then come out, dressed in various costumes, and through dance tell this story of Rama and Sita and how she was kidnapped, etc. etc. The guys are like the Greek chorus, from what I gathered. I'll post pix of it in a day or so, but suffice to say Leda and I sat there with our chins to the floor. It was awesome. On our tour we also checked out a family compound, which was pretty neat. The different buildings on the compound are like different parts of the body, and the head is the temple. Neat. We ate a so-so dinner on the beach with a fantastic view (we were literally in the sand). Sunday morning we checked out of honeymoon haven (Nusa Dua) and headed to Ubud.

We are thoroughly digging Ubud.

It's such a different vibe from Nusa Dua, but such a wonderful vibe! I have to say I love both the beach vibe and the mountain vibe - good good stuff on both counts. But if someone held a gun to my head and said "you must live in Bali", it'd be Ubud all the way.

There's a big expat community in Ubud, and I can really see why. It's super lush and green and beautiful here. It's also the cultural center of Bali, so there are tons of art galleries, little shops, and even live music that doesn't suck. We found a great yoga studio called Yoga Barn - recommended by several teachers - and we took our first class there this morning, taught by a girl from LA, go figyah. She was great. The main room at the studio has only 1 wall, the rest open space. We did yoga facing a rice field. The teacher literally said "open your heart to the rice field." I mean what's not to love???

The food's been amazing and the shopping is a bit out of control too. My infamously horrid negotiating skills are actually improving. They basically expect you to bargain here, and the little dance that goes down is so crazy-interesting. The seller acts offended at first, so then you say "okay don't need" and you start to walk away, then they say "okay okay okay" and start to negotiate. Leda's the master, but I'm getting better.

Today we ate at a cafe called Three Monkeys, and a local painter had art on display there. I bought one of his paintings - for $150 USD - and I'm so excited. It's just beautiful. And it makes me happy to support the local guys. Oh and speaking of local, whenever we eat rice it's locally grown. How mind boggling is that?

Tomorrow is my birthday but not really - won't be officially until midnight local time - so I guess that means I have to celebrate for 2 days. The Asia July 22nd and the US July 22nd. Heh. Back in Singapore tomorrow night then head to Thailand on Friday night. Will post pix soon! Love!

dreamland

So much for sightseeing.

Yesterday Leda and I spent the entire day sitting on a beach called Dreamland, which is on the other side of the Bukit Peninsula from our hotel in Nusa Dua. Dreamland was a kick and just so so beautiful. It's at the bottom of some cliffs and the waves are spectacular. Surfers abound at this place. I think I prefer the natural beach to the pristine one adjacent to our hotel. I had serious deja vu when I went swimming in the ocean - brought me back to my childhood for sure. Funny how the ocean can feel the same on the other side of the world.

We got more henna - this time Leda on her wrist and me on my ankle - and were approached about 50 times by various women trying to sell us saris and/or give us massages on the beach. We figured out the Indonesian word for no (bukan) but what seemed to work best was saying, "already" (two massages in as many days is plenty!). Oh and two guys - not sure where they were from, but definitely somewhere in Asia, asked to take their pictures with me. I guess they're not used to white girls? That made me giggle. We watched the stunning sunset on the beach - finally caught it yay - then grabbed a taxi and headed to a place called Bumbu Bali, and had tasty Balinese food for the 3rd night in a row where we had duck and seafood sate. They bring sate to your table on a little individual grill thing, and last night the sates were on lemongrass stalks instead of regular sticks - pretty great. The highlight though was dessert: black rice pudding with coconut milk. Yum yum YUM. I seriously want to learn how to make it. And I'll definitely be seeking out some Balinese restaurant action when I get back to New York - just loving the food here.

Today we've hired a tour guide - a guy Leda hired on her last trip here - to take us to temples and other sites around South Bali. Tomorrow afternoon we'll head to Ubud. So excited for Ubud and hoping my phone will work there. Dreading my first birthday without Mom but glad I'll spend it surrounded by such beauty. I know she'd be so happy I did this.

Love to everyone.

christmas morning sunrise

Bali is freakin amazing. My phone, as it turns out, seems not to work here, but that's pretty much the only bad news. We got in Tues night and were driven to our palatial and out of control hotel, where we were greeted by about four traditionally dressed Balinese men, welcoming us. I can't believe we're staying here. We can see the ocean from our balcony, but more to the point, we can hear it from our beds. We fell asleep Tues night to the sound of waves crashing on the shore and palm trees swaying. Seriously.

The sunrise woke me Wed morning, and Leda said that I was like a kid on Christmas morning when I woke her to check it out with me from our balcony. I think it was the most gorgeous thing I've ever seen. Leda had arranged for a private yoga class for the two of us Wed morning, which, as it happened, was held right on the beach. Sun salutations facing the ocean: good stuff. We hung out by the pool after that and on our balcony, then had Balinese massages Wed afternoon (there's a full-on spa on the grounds of the hotel). We headed to Seminyak to watch the sunset at a place called Ku De Ta, which is a swank, Miami-Beach-ish bar/restaurant right on the ocean, but as it happened sunset occurred while we were still in our taxi. No matter. Ku De Ta was fun, and afterward we walked on the beach in the dark to our dinner spot, The Living Room, which was a bit north. We had a great dinner at The Living Room, then headed back to the hotel, crashed early.

Today was another activity-heavy day. We had a 2-hour Javanese lulur massage (massage, lulur soak & exfoliation, outdoor shower, bath of flowers, ginger tea on a big bed), then sat on the beach and by the pool, ordering food and drinks, reading and marveling in the fact that we had absolutely no schedule. We are on vacation for sure. Tonight we'll head to Kuta and Seminyak for dinner and hopefully music of some kind, and tomorrow we'll start acting like sightseeing tourists, checking out some temples and doing maybe a little local shopping (must take care of nieces & nephew!). We'll be in Nusa Dua until Sunday, at which point we'll head to Ubud for the last few days of our stay.

The people are amazingly warm and friendly here (er at least at the hotel), and we've learned a few Indonesian phrases. They have multiple ways to say "good afternoon", all depending on the time of day. Right now it's evening, so the phrase is "Semalat malam". I've taken some great pictures, but no dice on flickr, so I'll have to upload either from the next hotel or when I get back to Leda's next week.

Miss everyone but wowowowow Bali.

bali tonight

It's been a nice couple of days in Singapore. Swimming with the dolphins and hiking in the jungle were definitely the highlights for me. I've also been taking yoga with Leda at her studio, Pure, which has been great.

Last night we ate at a hawker center, which is sort of a gathering of hawker (food) stands, about 30-40 of them, all in this one huge room, with all kinds of food available (Thai, Indian, Malay, Singaporean, Chinese, etc.). Kind of like a food court at the mall, but with way more interesting options.We had laksa, a spicy noodle soup with shrimp paste, tofu, veggies and egg, among other things; roti prata, a really yummy Indian flat bread, cooked with butter and your choice of mutton, chicken or cheese (we did cheese); and chicken rice, a mound of rice served with a side of roasted, breaded chicken, and some chicken broth and various spicy dips. Oh and deep fried vegetables - whoah. For dessert we had this stuff called Ruby Red, a Thai dish made of some kind of water chestnut & gelatin, served over ice with coconut milk. It looked scary to me, but actually tasted pretty good. The hawker stand food is dirt cheap, which is nice, and the hawker center provides an interesting slice of Singaporean life - great people watching too.

Tonight Leda and I will fly to Bali for a week and I'm so excited. I'm ready for some temples and ocean and serenity. Just finished reading "Eat Pray Love" which at least three people urged me to read once they found out I was going to Bali. It's about the spiritual and physical journey of a 30-something single woman, who traveled for a year and spent four months each in Italy, India and Indonesia (specifically, Bali). It was a neat book to read just before I venture off, and gave me some good perspective on things. Parts of the book made me roll my eyes and get impatient, but overall I dug it. It definitely made me want to read some ancient Yoga texts and find ways to really stay more consistently connected to my spirit and my soul. I think that connection is just vital, especially in light of this year, and the spiraling effects of Mom's death that everyone who loved her is experiencing. Jenn and I talked about it in June: grief is a living, breathing entity. To me grief is like this buddy that's kinda with me, on my shoulder, all the time. I don't love him, and hating him takes too much energy, especially because I've realized that I can't shake him. So I guess because I have this little dude with me all the time, it seems all the more vital to stay connected to my soul and my spirit, to be strong and connected and feel what I feel, acknowledge it and embrace it. Things like meditation, yoga, love, happiness, stillness, serenity - they're all taking on new meaning for me. Wow I sound like such a hippy. Ah well - I come by it honestly.

So we fly to Bali tonight (a mere 2 hours away!), and we'll stay at a resort in Nusa Dua, near the beach, for the first five days then head to Ubud for the last two, including my birthday. Beach, then mountains - that sounds about right. Not sure what my computer situation will be there, but I'm going to post (here, to flickr and twitter) as much and as often as possible.

swimming with dolphins

This morning Leda and I got up early to make our 9:45 appointment to swim with pink dolphins and we had the best time. They're so beautiful and sweet and lovely. Apparently they're a different species from the ones we see at Sea World and places like that: a bit smaller, and as they age, they turn pink! We started off by petting an older dolphin who was almost completely pink and then we got in the water, in groups of 5, with the younger dolphins and danced with them, took a ride on them, and even kissed them!

It was really beautiful and we had a great time. Pretty magical stuff. We're going for a hike this afternoon in this jungle area in Singapore where there are tons of monkeys around. Should be fun. Tomorrow and Tuesday I will entertain myself while Leda goes to work, possibly shop a bit on Orchard Road, hang by the pool, take some yoga (Leda scored me a weekly pass at her fancy yoga studio) and maybe check out Chinatown. Then Tuesday night we leave for Bali. Can't wait to be a beach bum.

starting to feel human

So I've been in Singapore since Thursday night (it's Saturday here), and I'm starting to get over jetlag a little bit, although I had about 2 wide-awake hours in the middle of the night last night. I guess it'll take a bit of time.

My first day here was great. Leda and I went to the this place called "Feetness" and had foot reflexology (um why haven't I done this before?!) for about 40 minutes, which was totally great and I think helped the jetlag. Then we went to the Raffles Hotel and had Singapore Slings, this really fruity, rummy (and yummy) drink for which the place is known I guess. Beautiful hotel too. We then wandered around Little India a bit, and both got henna tattoos - Leda on her ankle and me on my hand/arm. It scabbed up and then kinda flaked off. Now it's brown - pretty neat! It's supposed to last for two weeks, so I'm pondering getting another one before I head back to the States. Love it! After Little India we came back to her apartment and regrouped for a bit, then went to dinner at this great outdoor dinner spot called IndoChine, which is right on the Singapore River. We wandered around afterward and heard interesting live music (suffice to say I'm spoiled in NY), had a few drinks, then headed home. Today we're going to swim a bit in Leda's fabulous pool (see pix of that and other cool stuff here), then head to a yoga class at 6pm, so today should be mellow but nice. Tomorrow morning we swim with pink dolphins and Tuesday night head to Bali!

Meanwhile I'm writing a lot of lyrics these days, which is interesting, and pondering tunes I want to learn, gigs I want to sing. I'm trying to keep all of the big life/what am I doing next stuff on the back burner for at least a few weeks. Still - interesting.

in singapore

Yay! I had very uneventful flights today (yesterday?), although long. The 3-hour layover in Japan actually went by pretty quickly. I'm becoming accustomed to some Asian cultural things already: walking on the left, handing things over and accepting them with two hands instead of one. Leda told me how to say "thank you" and "see you" in Mandarin but I'm pretty wobbly right now so can't remember. I'm at her high-rise lovely apartment in clean clean sleek Singapore. The airport is incredible. Fountains and beautiful glass walls, high high ceilings and gorgeous carpets - kind of stunning. Didn't sleep too much on the plane so should be cool to crash shortly. More soon!

leaving tomorrow

So I had a fun time in Harbin with Jenn, her friend Leah and the girls.  First time camping, if you can believe! It (the place and the camping) offered its own sort of culture shock, so maybe that's a good prep for all the culture shock I'm about to undergo.

I decided not to take my laptop to Asia after all - just too much schlepping and worrying. Also, as my sister so wisely pointed out, the point of this is to get away from my life a bit. I'm certain that I'll head to internet cafe's to post to the blog, but I will also post here via text message - found out that my phone will be fully functional in Indonesia and Thailand, just not Singapore. Love Twitter!

Next stop Tokyo airport - eep!

hot springs then asia

Monday morning I'm heading to some hot springs near Napa Valley with my sister, the girls, and Jenn's friend Leah. We're just staying there overnight, but I think it'll be good. Some camping. Some hot springs. Good girl time.

Wednesday morning I leave for Singapore. The flight's about 19 hours, including layovers, but I will be armed with lots of books, movies and sleep aids, so hopefully it won't be too painful. My friend Leda (good friend who lives in Singapore) and I will head to Bali for a week on Tuesday the 15th. We decided, after Bali, to also squeeze in a quick 3-day trip to Ko Samui, an island off the east coast of Thailand. So we'll head back to Singapore on the 22nd, then head to Thailand for the weekend on July 25th. I fly out July 29th, so I'll be in Asia for two and a half weeks. Should be a great trip. I'm excited to be an active sightseeing girl but also to just sit on the beach with a fruity cocktail and stare at some Indian Ocean.

For now I'm hanging with the fam, enjoying auntie time and trying not to stress about the big picture of life, my next step, etc. It's a pretty neat little interstice of time, and a rare one, so I'm trying to really soak it up and enjoy.

san francisco for a week

Hi there. So I've created this blog to sort of track my travels this summer and have some kind of record of it all. It's the first summer I haven't actually worked in a long time, and I'm really excited. I'll get to see some new parts of the world, hang with friends & family and just breathe for a bit. After all that's happened this year, I think it's just what the doctor ordered.

I arrived in San Francisco yesterday afternoon after an amazingly quick and easy flight (love Virgin America). Jenn and the girls (my nieces, Hazel & Oona) picked me up from the airport. So so great to see them. I'll be here for about a week, and then I'll leave for Singapore on July 9th.

They're having a 4th of July party this Friday, so that should be fun. I think there are something like 82 people coming. Other than that we're just gonna be mellow I think, but it's good. Maybe I can implement a little decrescendo of my New York crazed, frantic self by the time I leave for Singapore.    

So for now I'm just hanging with my sis & her fam, reading some books, and um wearing lots of layers...in July. Gotta love San Francisco. But it's okay, cuz when the sun actually comes out it's pretty breathtaking. Also they make great coffee.